We are back

We've been back from our annual vacation for about a week.  To say that it was action packed (as usual), would be an understatement.  A blast, exhausting, and as always, not enough time, yet long enough.  :)

My favorite part of every vacation is for my kiddos to reconnect and make memories with family/friends.  It's a wonderful feeling!  The next best feeling is.... getting ALLLLLL of the pictures in the mail from Shutterfly and redecorating the house with the numerous frames.

On to thinking about school.... oh geeze.

No thanks

Wish I could type more.  The fall on Father's Day was pretty bad.  Went to doc (again) on friday.  I left with a referral that said, "Hand surgery".  No thanks.  I hope the hand surgeon disagrees.  Looks like I have to wear my cast/splint thingy for my entire vacation too.  No thanks... but I will, 'cause without it, well, it hurts.  Wait, with it hurts too.  Boo.  Just stinks.

Happy July everyone!

The Drop Off

In the summer of 2006, I went to Once Upon A Child (a used clothing/toys, etc) store for children.  I was turning in old baby and girlie girl clothes.  After I turned in the items, I roamed around with a nutty 4 year old and my bulky stroller with baby Kev.  Near the toys was a mom telling her little girl she couldn't have the Little People set because they were there to spend money on clothes, not toys.  Busy body ol' me, jumped in and told her that I had a ton of clothes at home for her 2 year old daughter.  To make a long story short, we exchanged phone numbers and e-mail, and about a week later, I came over with a ton of clothes for Claire.  Play date followed.

Since then, she moved out of Michigan, and clearly we did too.  We've always sent Christmas cards, and have been facebook friends too, although I haven't seen her since the day I dropped off the clothes. Well, I did see her on America's Funniest Home Videos, but that doesn't count.....

Today, I saw her Daddy passed away.  I melted.  A man I never knew, the dad to a woman I hardly know.  I don't know why I got all mushy about it.  I guess I realized that I'd never be able to support her, if I never overheard her telling Claire about needing clothes, rather than toys.  It's really the little things that lead to bigger and more meaningful things in life.

Lesson at Lunch

The other day, Juliana left her lunch at home.  Normally, I let it sit on the kitchen table or the counter.  This day, I brought it to her because she had tutoring after school, and well, my mommy-feel-bad meter was off the charts.  So I park the car, walk into the courtyard with about 150 other kids, and look for Juliana.  I see her sitting on a set of three stairs with two girls.

She runs up to me and thanks me for bringing her lunch.

I followed her back to the stairs, and it hit me who she was sitting with.  One is a girl she's been friends with since Kindergarten.  Never super close, but a girl who has always 'had her back'.  The other one........ a girl who has called Juliana a b**** numerous times, blamed Juliana for her fathers death, harasses her at every opportunity since 2nd grade, and more.  At first I was so frustrated that the millions of tears I've seen, and the multitude of conversations about, "STAY AWAY FROM HER" were ignored.

Then I realized, this girl is so lonely.  She's burned every bridge, and there's Juliana, filling a void for her.

When Juliana got home that day, I talked to her about allowing this girl to enter her life again.  She did not really have an answer for me as to why they're "hanging out" again.  It was then that I realized that the (excuse the language, but I'm saying it anyway for a lack of words right now) Bullsh** Meter I installed in Juliana is fully functioning.  She can occasionally detect crap being slung at her and move forward without a full on meltdown at home afterward.

Juliana is giving this girl another opportunity to feel welcome at school.  She's doing it with caution, yet allowing this girl to screw up, and make things better.  Nobody else has given this girl that chance.  Frankly, Juliana knows how it feels.  She's been the one this school year to screw up, and those she once called friends were sitting nowhere near those three stairs at lunch that day, or any day.

Whirlwind

Handsome little guy about to receive his First Communion.

Either catcher or second base during the games.  

Grampy, J, and Nana at Kev's b'ball game.

This past weekend defined "whirlwind".  Every grandparent was here, Grand (my mom) with her other half (aka Papa D), Grandpa (my dad), my stepmom, Nana & Grampy.  Plus we were able to see our fant-abulous friends from NY who were here for a wedding.  Add in First Communion, a baseball game, visiting time, Daddy's birthday, and more, and there's our whirlwind weekend.  It's almost the weekend again.  Juliana will be gone again, ALLLLL weekend.  I'll wake up on Mother's Day with one child, which I'm not overly excited about.  She'll be having fun, so I can't complain I suppose.  Looking forward to another spring weekend filled with a baseball game, Mother's Day, and Lord knows what else we'll do with only one kid in the house.  I'll let ya know.

The two of 'em

Proud really can not capture how I feel for my two kids.  They drive me out of my mind sometimes, I lose my patience, I also cheer them on, I'm just so proud of them.  They're NOT, did I say NOT, perfect at all.  They're far from it!  Interestingly enough, that's why I'm so proud.  I've seen them fall flat on their face, I hear of things they've said or done, and I cringe.  I see the things they say and do, and I wanna crawl into a hole and hope nobody sees me again.  Then I get the big eyes, the giggles, the smiles, the jokes, I see the accomplishments, I see the improvements, and I think... Really, that's the same kid?!?!?

These two are unique.  These kids are incredibly smart.  These kids are so vastly different from one another, yet so scarily alike too.  (Yes, contradictory sentences often annoy me too.  HA!)  

I wish so badly their friends understood them, especially Juliana.  She's really gone through HELL this school year.  She's created some of the fire in her hell.  She has occasionally thrown gas on the fire.  She's extinguished more of the fires, and ran into fires much more often to save people though.  Unfortunately, nobody sees that.  They throw her into another fire, watch her burn, then can't figure out why she's in so much pain.  

If you read my last post about coming back to school after spring break, just know, it has all been pretty good since going back to school.  I'm dreading the report of today, but perhaps circumstances are turning around.  Hope so!

Why do I use this blog for posts like this?  Because I do.  It's my platform.  It's my way of shouting to the world in my loud, yet shy ways.  

It's a process

Spring break has been an adventure.  In-laws came to visit.  We went to a baseball game.  Kiddos had special grandparent time.  We had a few days of family time.  It's been pretty darn good.

Tomorrow starts school all over again.  Tomorrow starts dread all over again.  See, school for little miss is not a great place anymore.  She cries.  She doesn't trust many anymore, sometimes even the teachers. Rightfully so.  It's been an extremely tough year for her.  Through her journey, she created some of the mistrust, and the drama.  Through her personal journey, she's also learned the impact it has on others.  The problem is, others haven't learned forgiveness, others haven't cared about struggles, others do not care about coming clean, about empathy.

It's been so tough, it's been a good lesson (or two or three) for her.  She's grown and learned millions of ways to cope, to the the authenticity in others, and to see through bullish** too.  I dread her tears again tomorrow.  I dread her continued mistrust of others.  I dread her continued disconnection with peers.... until I hear again.... "Mommy, I know she hates me, but I helped her find her lunchbox today.", "He said I'm ugly, but I just turn my head and roll my eyes.", "Mrs. (insert principal name here) apologized to me today.  It felt good.", "Mr. (insert teacher name here) said he was wrong.  I forgive him."

That's right, I do blog about this, simply because part of me wants the world to know and to walk this journey, and another part of me wants to run and keep it a huge secret.  It's a bizarre balancing act.

She's growing everyday.  I'm trying to teach her the good in people, and most importantly, the good within herself.  It's a process, that's for sure.