Nope, not me!

This past week I did not...

I did not just read "My Charming Kids" and die laughing from her desperate make-up application process in the car.

I did not see my 6 year old climb to the top of an airplane hanger ceiling.

I did not hear the same 6 year old chanting Barack Obama over and over, simply because his name is cool.

I did not drop an enormous pumpkin on my flip-flop exposed toes and scream, "Oh sh**!" in front of my children.

I did not get home near midnight on friday just so the kids could see what daddy did at work.

My daughter did not get an offer to buy Halloween candy for 25 cents each so the 14 year old seller could buy more "weed".

My daughter did not freak out because I refused to donate to that charity.

I did not dream of making plans of going on a vacation with my girlfriends once I weigh less than a half ton.

I did not just get started on this "Not Me Monday" and forget that my son really wants to go to the gym.